Seeing Our “makers”

the universe gives us moments that measure our humanity

i do believe this.

today i ran into the person who introduced me to meth for a second time.

and my dungeon shook.

i thought i would try to kill him

but i didn’t

i cried.

there.

i cried

on my bike

i cried  

eating

i cried writing this into my journal

and i will probably cry when my mind finds this thought later on. 

And it maybe a surprise to everyone but me that the majority of those tears were not because of anger or being mad that i allowed him and that into my life. they were empathy. i feared for what the world has done/ and will try to do to us. two queer black men.

all he is responsible for is his life- not my choices. 

and i wanted to hug him

would’ve hugged him if i thought it was safe to and if i wasnt so scared.

there is things i want- i want to build better relations with men. i want to move from a place of compassion. i want to genuinely be excited. and i will. 

i think today- through the tears i did find something more productive than anger. 

 

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