pondering on higher powers.

just read “Bill’s Story” in my big book of Alcoholics Anon and i feel tremendously encouraged and humbled. its beautiful how the day can be brought around at any moment. 

here’s a quote that i am taking from it. 

“it was only a matter of believing in a power greater than myself. nothing more was required of me to make my beginning.”

originally i thought of this conception of a higher power as being a thing close to Christ and i often want to sit in a cynicism that says “i am in complete control of my universe”

and i believe that that is true to an extent. i see accountability as being something that we have stake in. we are in control of our actions and movements. seeing it this ways allows us to snap out of the narrative of powerlessness and sorrow that babylon wants us to be in. 

many times- when we view ourselves as complete victims (as folk who only have things done to us and movements made on us) it becomes easy for us not actively live and struggle against what demons we have because we have given ourselves to them.

i think- in shifting my conception of what my higher power is

moving away from a smiling white jesus and towards a group of friends (support network), my ancestors, and familial spirits then i can live differently. i can lean on them when i feel weak and ask them to help guide me towards radiance. this does not mean that i don’t do for self, but instead that i do for self through guidance. that i do for self through a new humility and sight. 

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